Do Not Ask Why Wolfman Kills People While Watching Wolfman at the Theater for All to Hear

Sigh.

Minority. That's right, I am addressing one of us right now.

Here we go.

Side Note: Sometimes, I just ask myself, "Why?"

The following is a true Story.

You know who you are. You were in the theater this weekend, watching Wolfman. Right after the Wolfman kills his first victim, you yelled, "Oh my gawd, why the Wolfman had to kill that man!" It was like a whistling arrow shot across the theater, everybody heard.

I winced. My shoulder crouched up to my ear. My head creaked, swiveled backward, and I glared at you.

There you were, seated right behind me.

Side Note: I have a knack for picking the seat closest to the peanut gallery.

Minority, let alone the fact that you screeched, "Oh, shiiiiit," whenever the Wolfman killed someone or appeared on the screen--the only apt response for such a paltry script-writing to be sure, however, let us remember our manners. I would also like to omit the constant murmuring that were your enlightened takes on the Wolfman narrative wafting over my right shoulder throughout the night.

These were the lesser concerns.

I would like to point out the disregard that you have for your neighbor, not the inanity of your comment. Because you know how silly your comment is, right? You know, that I know, that you know, I hope, why the Wolfman kills people... Right? Let me reiterate. He is a Wolfman.

Jesus!

My bet is not that you did not know this reason, but that you, for some reason, felt the need to massage your need for attention, a need often promulgated in a minority when inside theaters, apparently.

Why, oh why, did so many minorities erupt in their own fits of shock, dismay, disapproval offense and/or pleasure at pivotal moments of movies while at theaters. Sometimes, minorities, it seems that we are intent on having full conversations with the screen.

Asking a minority to not speak in theaters may be a difficult charge. I know this. I have problems dealing with this too.

So, to compromise.

Minorities, if you must talk loudly in theaters, whether it be to the screen, to your neighbor, to the theater, or into your cellphone, please don't ask inane questions like, "Why the wolfman had to kill that man?," because everybody will think we are not smart enough to go to more challenging cultural institutions, like museums.

That said, when a movie is inane, I highly recommend watching the movie in a theate full of minorities. Trust me, if you haven't done it before, wait no longer. Noting but hilarity.