Appear in Public with More than Two of Your Children in Tow

I can't believe I have to say this...

Minorities, please, for the love of God, do not appear in public with more than two of your children in tow.

Really.

Stop.

NOTICE: I did not say that you should put a limit on how many children you can have. I am not interested in finagling with anybodies fallopian tubes. You can do that on your own time. And don't email be about it! Besides, I am more than interested in Us becoming the majority. So, please, by all means, bump like bunnies. But, as to the public sphere...

And remember, I'm just saying this, as I am with all of my entries, for our own good.

Minorities, you should only appear in public with, at most, two of your children, because you know that they are just going to think that:

(a) We are responsible for over-population. I don't mean this just as far as tree-hugging is concerned. I mean they don't want to see too many of us at once. They are scared enough of one minority, imagine how much they'll freak out if they see us reproducing in massive numbers! I bet their response will be to diminish funding for public education and increase the number of prisons. Give your extra kids some books and a membership to the girls and boys club.

Some advice: Picking which of your children will appear in public with you will allow you to put your best foot forward as a minority, as you will have chosen your prized children to represent us. At the very least, they will think that we are filling the world with remarkable individuals. We all know they over-react when our kids do the very same wild things that their kids do. Let's call them ambassador children.

(b) We are responsible for global warming. (You know they'll find a way to do it, and a busload of children seems to me a good enough reason.) Word of advice: So that people won't get irritated when you get on the train or bus and force eight people to get up out of their seats, something they only do because the sight of your tribe makes them feel guilty, keep some kids at home. Although your children are adorable, I don't doubt it, please be strict with how many children accompany you on mass transit. Everybody knows that packed trains and buses are responsible for many unpublicized race riots.

Besides, we can even relate to them on this. How many times must we have to make room for perambulating villages during our commute to work in the mornings?

Let's be done with it.

Tread lightly, minorities.

You know they are just going to think that we crossed the border and are looking to set up a shanty town on their block.