Wear Chanclas

Minorities. Please stop wearing chanclas in public.

For Heaven's sake, please stop.

I'm not talking about Banana Republic or Kenneth Cole sandals, in all their strappy variations...oh no. Those are sandals, I'm talking about chanclas. Let me explain.

The chanclas I speak of come in many variations. There are the Adidas velcro strap chanclas dudes be wearing. Yep, those are chanclas, Macho. And who said it was cute to wear these with white tube socks, who signed off on that memo? You just end up looking like you just got out of prison and have yet to buy clothes.

The only people who should be wearing tube socks with chanclas are old men, and only if they talk to themselves while walking down the street wearing wife-beaters and too-loose shorts and have a deranged look in their eye and carry year-old newspapers in bulk.

There are the chanclas your abuelas and grandmamas be wearing, you know, the ones from the dollar store whose thongs break easy, a phenomena that explains why so many elderly women be shuffling down the streets of many a hood across America. Alot of us think it's because they have back circulation, or a bad back, but no, they're wrong, abuelas and grandmamas shuffle because their straps are broken and that's all they can do to keep the chanclas on. Alot of times these chanclas are emblazoned with flowers or Jesus...to match their moo moos.

There are also the chanclas girls and young women wear to go to the corner store. They get these from Old Navy, most likely, or the Havaianas from the Gap--where you can bedazzle your chancla?! WTF. It's still a chancla, dumb ass. Over-priced and with baubles attached, still though, its a chancla. But then, you know what happens, while out on a run to buy soda and pork rinds, she gets a text from her boo around the way, and so she ventures out to go chill with him further then just down the block where the store is at, which only sets up the bad habit of wearing chanclas, albeit bedazzled Havaianas, to distances spanning boroughs. You look cheap. Stop it.

Stop wearing chanclas in public, minorities. You know they are just going to think that you can't afford shoes.

You're welcome.